All I Have Left
by The HongKonger
Summary: For the Jello Forever 'My Whole Universe' Prompt. Follow Patrick Jane as he wonders about his purpose, his existence and his inner battle on whether there truly is a God.


**My Second Submission for the Jello Forever Forums. **

**My Stimulus Package being the prompt involving: My Whole Universe **

**Not my best work but my skills in fanfiction are improving. **

***I also apologize to all my other readers. I've been working on an unrelated fanfiction progress and will be explained much later. **

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><p>My Whole Universe<p>

Jane didn't believe in God. If there was a God then his family would be here with him right now. Growing up, several people believed him to be a child of the Lord above. His father told him that his abilities of entering the minds of others was a gift sent from the heavens and beyond. At first, he believed every word. One several occasions he would sit on the outskirts of the carnival grounds and look up at the sky. You would find him smiling at the deep blue ceiling and thanking his holy father for making him so special that people across the lands would travel great distances just to see him.

But that was a long time ago.

A lifetime ago.

His faith in God disappeared the moment he laid eyes upon the bloodied mess that was his family. He would scream towards the vast above that once gave him comfort whenever he sought it. If God could create life, then why couldn't he save it? After a while, he no longer believed in him simply because he was assured that he did not exist. The only person he could trust was himself. That way, no one could ever come between his goal of destroying the man who destroyed him. He promised himself that he would never have someone that Red John could take from him.

It was a promise he broke and he was almost glad that he did. When he met Teresa Lisbon and her team of brilliant minds, Jane found himself with people who he eventually called friends. Cho with his ever calm demeanor with the loyalty of a dog, Rigsby and his never ending appetite and accomplice in his many misadventures, Van Pelt and her warm smile that made his day even lighter and finally Lisbon, his best friend and savior.

Every night, before he went into a dreamless slumber, his mind would push forward three distinctive people. His wife with her golden tresses and a grin that would rival Van Pelt's, his daughter who would be waving at him and laughing his laugh and Lisbon who would be looking at him with a sad smile. It was like she pitied him even though she wasn't here at all. Silently begging him to move on from the past and focus on the future. How many times he has told her that the future had no room for him and that revenge was his last and final purpose in life.

The three girls of his life would haunt him every night and plague his mind several times throughout the day. He would never voice this fact though, especially not to Lisbon who would immediately send him to see a shrink and that was definitely Number 1 on Patrick Jane's No No list. Instead, he chose to sit up in his shack and stare out of the dusty window that had a brilliant view of the city.

It was unhealthy. You did not need to be a doctor to point that one out. Being surrounded by death itself was a profession that required good psychological health and even Lisbon, the strongest person he knew, would sometimes crack. When she did, it was terrifying.

He knew he should have stayed away from her the moment he first laid eyes on her. His ability to read people like an open book had only failed him once and he could see that the petite woman had a fire in his eyes that would end up in him getting burnt. Despite the obvious dangers, he got close because like every human being, he was afraid of being alone. He always found it funny because in a world of six billion people, one could still find themselves lonely.

It was when her life was in danger, when there was a massive chance that she could be taken away did he realize that she was all he had left. With her, he felt alive. Not as a man, as a human being. She gave him a reason to live. He almost craved the feeling he felt whenever she admitted that she liked having him around. She would never know but she was able to give him some peace at mind that he actually meant something to someone.

People say God created the Universe. Others say that science is the one behind it. To him, it was like religion or reality, Toe-may-to orto-mah-to. All Jane knew was that the Universe was everything and if Teresa Lisbon was everything, then she was his universe.

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><p><strong>This was completely unbeta'd and had to be in tonight ^.^<strong>

**Universe**

**a world or sphere in which something exists or prevails: hisprivate universe.  
><strong>

1.

the totality of known or supposed objects and phenomenathroughout space; the cosmos; macrocosm.

2.

the whole world, especially with reference to humanity: atruth known throughout the universe._  
><em>


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